First Time I Kissed Your Lips I Knew
by Halawen
Summary: Clare seeks vengeance on Dallas for telling Drew he was just a rebound to her. But when her game works too well she begins to feel guilty and when she begins developing real feelings for Lucas what is a girl to do? Also with Peter, Drew, Bianca and Adam. 2 or 3 shot drama and fluff. Be sure to read A/Ns.
1. Threading Like a Needle Through Such Lie

**Welcome to part one of tonight's 2 or 3 shot**

 **Legal: I own nothing but the idea**

 **Important things to know before reading:**

 ***Takes place right after Sparks Will Fly**

 ***Dallas told Drew he was a rebound and Clare found out, she was upset but Drew wouldn't talk to her**

 ***Becky died and Adam is alive**

 ***Zoe doesn't exist**

 ***Alli moved was sent to an all girls boarding school in grade ten after her parents found out everything so she and Dallas have never even met**

 ***Clare had cancer but is not and will not get pregnant**

 **This whole chapter is in Clare's pov**

 **That does it th rest is explained in the story I hope you enjoy**

 **Threading Like a Needle Through Lies**

 **(CLARE)**

"Hey sexy want to dance?"

I look at the boy asking me to dance; he is not why I'm here. I'm not even really here to dance I'm here for vengeance, if Dallas can play with my heart by telling Drew he was my rebound then I can play with Dallas a bit. So tonight I don a black wig that's cut into a short bob, borrowed a few clothes Darcy left behind and got some hazel contacts to change my eye color. I also of course removed my cross necklace, and knowing Dallas would recognize my voice and my name I decided to use the name Claudette and I'm using a French accent. I know Dallas is going to be at this club tonight because he posted that he would be on social media.

"Not with you," I reply to the boy with a smile and my French accent and he looks disappointed, "perhaps later I'm looking for someone."

The boys smiles and walks off and I continue scanning the room for Dallas. I see him talking with a couple of other girls but that's not going to stop me. I saunter over and tap Dallas on the shoulder and he turns around. He looks me over and grins arching an eyebrow slightly.

"What can I do for you?" Dallas questions with intrigue in his voice and I grin because he doesn't recognize me.

"Care to dance?" I ask and Dallas smiles even more when he hears my accent.

He doesn't even reply just takes my hand and pulls me over to dance. It's a fast song but I keep hold of Dallas' tie and twist my hips. This is enough to please Dallas, we dance to the next to fast songs and then a slow song comes on. I release Dallas' tie and link my arms around his neck while he puts his hands on my hips.

"What's your name?" Dallas asks.

"Claudette Caron, what's yours?"

"Mike Dallas, so what are you doing in Toronto?"

"Student exchange program," I reply and a fast song begins so it's too loud to talk now.

After this next song we get a drink and sit down at a table. I have to do very little talking as Dallas goes into great detail about hockey and Guelph. I really don't care but I pretend to be interested, leaning forward on my hands and nodding while he talks. When he's done he asks me a few questions but I have a backstory prepared, I keep it simple and close to the truth without being too close to the truth that Dallas might guess it's me.

"Can I get you another drink?" Dallas asks when I finish mine.

"I can't, I have to go the exchange program has a strict curfew."

"How long are you here for? I really want to see you again but I'm leaving for Guelph in the morning to spend the holidays with my family. Can I have your number?" Dallas asks.

"Sure," I grin, "give me your phone."

Dallas takes out his phone, puts in the passcode and gives me his phone. Of course my number is already in there and I knew that so I bought a burner specifically for this. I put in the number of the burner and hand Dallas his phone back.

"I'll call you the second I'm back," Dallas tells me.

"Guelph isn't very far maybe I will come there and find you, if I have your number of course."

Dallas grins, looks at his phone and clicks my name then sends me a text, "You've got my number now."

"Yes I do, I really should be going now," I tell him and then standing on my tiptoes place a small chaste kiss on his neck just below his jaw. I didn't want him to try and kiss me, we've already kissed and even though it was a fast kiss and I slapped him after he could still recognize my lips and my kiss.

Then I turn and go, exiting the club quickly. I drive home rather proud of myself and feeling a little of the hurt from Drew spurning me slip away. When I get home I take off the wig and the clothes and take a shower. Mom and Glen are in California visiting Jake so no one is here to ask why I'm dressed this way or why I'm wearing a wig. Tonight went perfectly and I don't feel bad for playing with his heart because he had no right to tell Drew that he was just a rebound for me.

When I get out of the shower I find a text on the burner from Dallas telling me, or rather Claudette, that he had a great time tonight. He says he leaves for Guelph in the morning but will be back in a couple of days. There's also a text on my real phone from Adam, he's just checking in. He doesn't know that Drew and I had sex but he knows we kissed at Thanksgiving and like everyone else thinks Drew and I had been making out at the dance when Eli found us. He also saw Drew and I getting close all semester. I text Adam back that I'm fine and just keeping busy while the rents are out of town and I'm alone.

After a good night's sleep I eat breakfast while messing around on my phone. I check facerange and find a post from Dallas talking about Claudette. I smile that I was so successful but also feel a tinge of guilt because he likes her so much and she's not real. I spend the day cleaning up a little and writing a bit, I talk to Adam for a while but by evening I'm bored. Dallas is in Guelph and I don't feel like making the hour long drive to Guelph. However I did have a great time last night, getting vengeance on Dallas aside it was fun to step out of myself and be someone else. Not thinking of things as Clare, approaching things in a different way and being someone else for a night was quite fun.

I decide to go out again tonight but not as Claudette as someone new. I look through the wigs I still have from when I had cancer. I have a longer red one; it's a deep scarlet red that's deeper than Darcy's hair. I put on black skinny jeans and Darcy's knee high black boots. I pair this with a blue scoop neck sweater that will bring out my eyes and play well with the red hair. Of course it's snowing outside so I grab my winter coat and my purse. I go to Malt Liquor Conspiracy a nineteen and over club in York. I'm not nineteen but I take one of Darcy's old IDs she left here and hope I can get in without too many questions. It's a short drive, I park and stand at the entrance. Whether it's because it's snowing and cold or because it's New Year's Eve eve the club isn't very busy I'm not sure, but either way the club isn't very busy.

The bouncer doesn't even ask for my ID and I get right in. I leave my coat with the others at the entrance and walk into the club. It's dark and there's loud music and a lot of guys, I walk in with confidence and a smile and attract attention within a few minutes. A guy approaches me, he looks to be about 20 or 21, dark hair and green eyes he reminds me a little of Eli but he has much sharper features. He asks me to dance and I accept. After the dance he buys me a drink but I'm careful to stay away from alcohol. I tell the guy that I don't want to be impaired while driving home in the snow. While I'm still sipping at my drink someone else asks me to dance. It's while dancing with him that I see someone I actually recognize at the club. Someone I recognize but I'm pretty sure wouldn't recognize me even without the disguise. When the song ends I excuse myself and saunter over to my target.

"Hi," I smile at him. He's not talking with anyone so I'm not interrupting anything. In fact Lucas is sitting on the corner of a bench, faced away from everyone and sipping a drink. "Mind if I sit down?" I question adding what I hope is a sexy purr to my voice.

"Sure," Lucas says grinning with one side of his mouth. He moves over a little to make some room for me but instead I sit in his lap.

"I like a girl that knows what she wants. What's your name?"

"Dani Harlow," I reply with a coy smile.

He tells me his name and we chat a little, just small talk but unlike last night I don't have a prepared backstory for this character. However Lucas doesn't know a single thing about me so I just stick to the truth and answer his questions using my life. Well for the most part, I change a few details and omit others and I'm answering everything in character. He doesn't tell me about Izzy but I find out he's a patrolman for a security company. He talks mostly about his job and things he likes to do when not working. He also talks about Jane quite a bit. He seems to be pretty proud of his little sister. Lucas doesn't dance but he buys me a couple of drinks and I spend the entire night on his lap. I even kiss him at the end of the night, I have no reason not to and I had fun tonight. He asks for my number and I give him my real one before leaving for the night.

I think about Lucas on the drive home and while I'm in the shower. The next morning Mom and Glen return from visiting Jake and bring me my Christmas present from him. Christmas Eve and Christmas are pretty nice; my mom actually got me some good stuff. Lucas sends a text to say Merry Christmas, well he says it to Dani anyway and she texts back. Dallas sends a text to Claudette to say Merry Christmas and I text him back. On Boxing Day my parents drive up to the cabin, Adam is gone, Jenna is gone, even Connor is gone and I am bored!

I'm not sure what Lucas is up to but I know that Dallas is in Guelph and I decide I want one more crack at him before school. So I take all the stuff I need for Claudette and get in my car. I drive to Guelph and change into Claudette. Since it's still cold and snowed again last night I wear the same skinny jeans and boots I wore to the club when I was Dani Harlow. But with my black wig and hazel eyes I have deep red low cut sweater I borrowed from Darcy's old clothes. On top of that I wear a black and white pinstripe vest which I've had for a couple of years and is acting like a bustier currently. Very little is open today and I don't want Dallas to recognize my car but I find a pool hall that's open so I park around the corner and call Dallas.

"Hey did you have a good Christmas?"

"Yes it was nice but I borrowed a car and I'm in Guelph at Crosstown Lounge if you're not too busy you want to come play a round or two?"

"Yeah," he says and I can hear his grin.

He tells me he'll be here in twenty minutes and I hang up. I get out of the car and walk to the pool hall, there is quite a mix of people here so I sit at the counter and order a coffee. The woman next to me hears me speak in a French accent and begins a conversation with me in French; thankfully I'm fluent in French. I'm still talking to her in French when Dallas comes in. I excuse myself from the conversation with the woman and go over to Dallas.

"I can't stay very long I have to drive back early but it looks like all the tables are taken," I tell him.

"I'll put my name in for a table," Dallas says and calls to the bartender reserving a pool table. "I'm glad you drove down, I've been having a great visit with my parents but I've been thinking about you."

We talk a little; I flirt a lot, especially while we're playing pool. Running my fingers over his abs and rubbing against him a little as I take my shots. Knowing my parents will be home for dinner I tell him I have to leave by five to be home for dinner, which is true.

"I'll be back in Toronto in a couple of days can I see you again?" Dallas asks.

"Call me when you're back," I grin dragging my finger down his chest and giving him a coy smile. Dallas leans down to kiss me but I put my hand up and he kisses that instead and then gives me a look. "A true kiss is extremely intimate, if done right can be almost orgiastically releasing, you have not earned that yet," I explain. I'm still worried that if we kiss Dallas will know it's me. I stand on my tiptoes with my hand on the back of his neck and place a soft kiss on his earlobe. "Call me when you're back in Toronto," I tell him and walk out, then run around the corner before Dallas can follow me. I jump in my car and start driving home.

I'm still happy with my little game but not as happy as I was and I'm starting to feel a little guilty. Dallas really likes Claudette, which was my plan but I don't think I thought this through all the way. I never really thought about endgame, maybe I thought Dallas would know it was me anyway, he'd confront me and we'd just have it out. I honestly kind of thought I'd just never call him back, dump the burner cell and Dallas would know what it was like to be played with. Except that even though I wasn't myself and it was all supposed to be a game I actually enjoyed my time with Dallas.

When I get home my parents are home. I take off the wig in the car and the rest is hidden under my coat. I change upstairs quickly, I almost forget to take the contacts out but catch site of them in my vanity mirror before I go down for dinner. My parents return to work the next day and Adam calls when they return from their grandparents. I spend the day with him downtown and he tells me how much Dallas is going on about this Claudette girl, which is both pleasing and makes me feel guilty. He also tells me Drew was in a foul mood until he called Bianca on Christmas and the two of them have reconnected and they are dating again. I want to feel happy for Drew but I only feel heartbreak that Drew was able to let me go so quickly.

When I return home I have a message on the burner from Dallas. He wants to get together with Claudette but I don't feel so much like going out. I text him back to tell him that I can't meet today. For the next few days I just stay in my room writing on my laptop, I e-mail Alli who tells me all about her new boyfriend and finish me application essay for Columbia. I also keep making excuses as Claudette to not see Dallas again; of course I'll have to see him when school begins but not as Claudette and he'll pay no attention to Clare. On the morning of New Year's Eve Lucas calls me, well he calls Dani, and asks if I want to go to a New Year's Eve party. I don't want to spend New Year's Eve with my parents so I accept.

Thankfully my parents are also going to a New Year's party and they leave early. I put the red wig on again my prom dress from last year because Lucas said to dress up. Lucas is picking me up; I didn't think it would matter because he never knew where me or Darcy lived. When I hear the doorbell I grab my winter coat and purse and go downstairs. Lucas grins at me and we get in his car. The party is at a hotel downtown, on the roof of the hotel but it's indoors so we're not out in the cold. When I take off my coat Lucas whistles.

"You look amazing," he grins.

"Thanks you look very handsome, that white dress shirt really shows off your muscles," I grin trailing my fingers down his chest and Lucas smiles.

After hanging our coats we walk into the party and begin to mingle, I don't know anyone at this party and most of the people here are significantly older than I am, not like Lucas is older than me but around my parents age older. There are a few here more around Lucas' age but I'm sure I'm the youngest one here. We eat a little and spend a lot of time talking, some with each other and some with the other people at the party. I spend most of my time flirting with Lucas. Close to midnight we count down together and when it gets to midnight I grip Lucas' shirt and link an arm around his neck crushing our lips together. I gently nip his bottom lip before gently probing my tongue between his lips. Lucas opens his mouth a little and his tongue comes out to meet mine. They swirl and dance together, caressing each other until I pull away tugging at his bottom lip as I do so. Lucas is grinning wide when I pull away and I smile biting my lip. We don't look away from each other until a waiter walks by with a tray of champagne. I take a glass and so does Lucas, we only take a couple of sips before someone approaches us.

"Hi Lucas been a long time," Peter smiles. Peter might recognize me but hopefully the disguise is enough, after all he hasn't seen me in almost three years.

"Hey Peter this is Dani," Lucas says and Peter looks at me.

"Nice to meet you Dani," he smiles shaking my hand and then looks at my eyes. Then from my eyes down to the mole on my chest right above my cleavage then he looks back at my eyes. "Clare?" Peter exclaims and I bite my lip.

"Clare? No her name is Dani," Lucas shakes his head.

"No it's Clare and with that hair she even looks a lot like her older sister Darcy. I know those eyes and that mole," Peter comments.

"Darcy? Darcy Edwards? Wait that skinny little girl with glasses and a uniform?" Lucas asks but I'm already backing away into the crowd. I ditch the wig and don't even retrieve my jacket just run out, hailing a cab when I get outside.

I ignore Lucas' call and run up to my room making it home just minutes before my parents. I turn off my phone and get ready for bed but I can't sleep. I have one more day before school starts up again and I spend it secluded in my room with my phones off and avoiding the entire world. When I arrive at school the next morning I go straight to my locker.

"So still haven't heard from Claudette?" I hear Drew asking Dallas as they walk past me to their lockers.

"No she's not even returning my calls now," Dallas replies and he sounds miserable which should make me happy but it doesn't. I look at Dallas and he looks terrible and now I feel terrible.

I close my locker and go to class early. My first class is with Drew and Adam, Drew just looks away from me but Adam sits next to me. We compare schedules and find out that we have most of our classes together. We both have second period chemistry together and so does Dallas who still looks awful. Adam looks at him and kind of sighs.

"Remember I told you Dallas fell for this girl over break? Well she's been ignoring his calls and he's been moping about it for several days," Adam tells me and I feel even guiltier than before.

Mr. Bettankamp comes in and tells us the person sitting at the table with us will be our lab partners for the rest of the semester. Adam and I already knew that would happen which is why we sat together. When class lets out it's lunch time and there's something I have to do so I run out and drive home as fast as I can. I get the burner and turn it on asking Dallas to meet me at a fast food place a couple blocks from the school. I change quickly into something more Claudette like and put on the wig before getting back in my car. I park up around the corner and then walk and Dallas is waiting for me.

"I'm so glad you called, whatever I did I'm so sorry," Dallas apologizes.

"You didn't do anything I've been going through some stuff," I tell him and my French accent falters slightly. "I had to see you again but I must leave for France tonight it's a family emergency. I won't be able to see you again but I'm sure you'll find another girl and forget all about me."

"You're leaving? You can't please I…" Dallas sighs and looks like he might actually cry. "Claudette I could never forget about you."

"Yes you will and I really have to go," I insist turning to leave.

"Wait," Dallas pleads catching my hand. He spins me back to him with his hand at my lower back and his lips kidnap mine into a kiss. I put my hand on his shoulder and begin to kiss him back because I have an overwhelming desire to do so. After a few seconds Dallas pulls away, he steps back and looks at me. "Your eyes are blue," he says slowly and I feel a pit in my stomach as I realize I forgot the contacts. Dallas reaches up and takes the wig off, "Clare?!"

I don't say anything, what can I say? I chicken out and run to my car jumping in and returning to school. I park and then I start crying, tears of shame and anger flow from my eyes. I almost decide to just go home but it's our first day back I can't miss half a day. I wipe my tears and start walking back, I'm still dressed like Claudette but it doesn't matter now. As I'm walking back to the front steps I see Lucas at his car just off school property and when he sees me he starts walking toward me. I try to walk faster into school but now I see Dallas inside the entrance.

"Clare," Lucas calls running over to me while I'm still looking at Dallas.

"Lucas what are you doing here?"

"I came to see you; you ran out on New Year's Eve and won't return my calls. I wanted to talk to you," Lucas says catching my arm.

"No you didn't you came to see Dani Harlow that's not me I was having some fun," I tell him.

"You were wearing a wig and using a fake name but it was you, everything you told me came from your life didn't it?"

"It doesn't matter it wasn't m…"

"Who the hell are you?" Dallas demands coming down the steps and standing behind me.

The two guys look at each other and I have never wanted to turn invisible so much. I created a monster and it was myself and now I'm stuck between the two boys I was playing with and developing feelings for. I'd give anything to teleport out of this right now.

"I came to talk to Clare," Lucas says giving Dallas a harsh look, "who the hell are you?"

 **It's not the worst cliffhanger I've ever done. Chapter two will begin probably in Dallas' pov. Chapter two will be on Friday April 29** **th** **.**


	2. I Know the Girl I Fell For

**Well I was hoping to make this the last chapter but today was long and exhausting, and I just didn't have the energy or time to get all that I wanted in this chapter. Therefore there will be one more short chapter for this one.**

 **Ch. 2 I Know the Girl I Fell For**

 **(DALLAS)**

As soon as she kissed me I knew it was Clare, when I saw her blue eyes and took the wig off I realized I probably should have known all along. I drove back to school angry that she would do something like that, angry but admittedly a little impressed that she would take such a risk. I park the car the three of us share and go inside, watching from under the inside steps for Clare to return. I see her walking up still dressed in the plunging V-neck red sweater and black skinny jeans with red ankle boots. When I see her approaching I walk to the entrance to confront her, when she sees me waiting for her she stops.

A man runs over to her and she turns away from me. He's too old to go here and too young to be her father, and I know from Adam she has Jake and an older sister so he's not her older brother either. She steps away from him and he catches her arm, when he touches her I stiffen up. She looks upset and they're talking but I can't hear what they're saying so I go outside, all I know is I want him away from her.

"It doesn't matter it wasn't m…"

"Who the hell are you?" I demand running down the steps and standing a little behind Clare.

Clare bites her lip and closes her eyes briefly, she looks on the verge of tears again. I'm sizing this guy up and he seems to be sizing me up. He's muscular and about Drew's height. He has spiked hair with little designs shaved into the sides and a guitar pick necklace like Eli would wear. He wears black jeans with a light grey button up and he's still touching Clare.

"I came to talk to Clare who the hell are you?" He asks and I hear an inflection of protection in his voice but he does let go of Clare's arm. He wants her and this angers me, I step closer to Clare and she shrinks up as much as she can.

"I'm dating Clare," I blurt out.

"So am I," this guy responds and we each step closer to Clare. She's basically sandwiched between us now and looks like she might pass out.

"No neither of you are dating me, Dallas you were dating Claudette and Lucas you were dating Dani," Clare argues trying to walk between us and we both catch her arms.

"That was you," Lucas and I both say at the same time.

"No it wasn't," she replies. It's cold and she has no jacket but trapped between us she's not cold, actually she seems to be perspiring a little. The bell rings but none of us move, I'm pretty sure that Clare can't.

"Are you two squishing Clare?" Zig inquires walking over with Tris and Maya.

"The bell rang we need to get to class," Maya comments while Tris just pushes us apart and takes Clare's hand.

She kind of smiles at him and runs into school. I glare at Lucas one more time before following Clare into school. She won't look at me when I get into class, she's sitting with Adam and I sit next to Drew. She doesn't look at me in fourth period either and she's very quiet for all of student council. She also runs out as soon as Drew ends the meeting. The three of us drive home and I try to do my homework but I can't stop thinking about Clare. What she did was mean and wrong but I was really falling for Claudette and Claudette was Clare.

"I think I like Clare," I announce to Drew and Adam and they both stare at me.

"Wait a minute is that why you told me she was using me as a rebound?" Drew asks

"When did Clare rebound with you and how? Also why?" Adam asks his brother.

"The hoedown, sex in the prop room she broke up with Eli," Drew responds.

"Okay there are so many things wrong with that I don't even know where to begin," Adam replies and looks at me.

"When did you decided you like Clare and is that why you put ideas into Drew's head that he was a rebound?" Adam questions.

"No I just wanted Drew to be careful because they had sex the day after she broke up with Eli. I never told him to walk away or not talk to her that was his choice. But honestly I think I liked her since the first time I kissed her," I admit.

"Which was when?"

"Last year when she was dating Eli and she told me about Asher," I confess and Adam goes red.

"Who is Asher?" Drew asks.

"You kissed her after she told you what Asher did to her?" Adam asks hitting me upside the head.

"She slapped me afterward, it's what started our little feud last year."

"If you've liked her since last year why didn't you do anything when she broke up with Eli?" Drew questions.

"I did, I trashed her party and tried to break her up with Eli," I tell them and they both hit me upside the head.

"I think you should just stay away from Clare," Adam comments.

"I agree," Drew nods, "and I thought you all crazy for that Claudette girl?"

"Claudette is Clare," I inform them.

"What?" They both exclaim.

"She was wearing a wig and using a French accent, also wearing clothes Clare wouldn't wear and contacts to change her eye color."

"Clare was…why would…my head hurts I'm going to go lie down," Drew comments and leaves the sofa going upstairs.

"I think it's best for both of you if you just stay away from Clare," Adam tells me and I sink back into the sofa.

I know what she did was wrong but I can't help how I feel and I can't really blame her either. I should have told Drew to talk to her, or stayed out of it, maybe I did tell him he might be a rebound because I was jealous. I saw how they were getting close and I didn't like it.

"I'm going out, tell Drew I took the car and tell your mom I had to get Rocky."

"You're not going to Clare's are you?" Adam inquires.

"No I just need to clear my head," I reply grabbing my coat and leaving through the basement door.

I drive to Owen's place, I knock on the door and he opens it a moment later, cocking an eyebrow at me but steps aside so I can come in. Owen lives at home still and goes to U of T. Tris is home and on the sofa but I've been over a lot so he just nods to me. Owen and I go up to his room and I sit on his bed.

"So what's up? You're not going to moan over that French girl again are you?"

"Clare was the French girl," I enlighten him.

"What do you mean Clare was the French girl?"

"She was playing me I guess, she had a wig and contacts, dressed differently, called herself Claudette Caron but it was Clare. The thing is even though I was mad knowing she'd been playing me I fell for Claudette and I've liked Clare since last year. I guess I wasn't the only one she did it too because this guy Lucas showed up at the school today wanting to talk to her. I wanted to know he was, he wanted to know who I was and we both said that we were dating Clare. She said I had been dating Claudette and he had been dating Dani. She wouldn't hardly talk to us or look at us, she was upset when I found out it was her, she was upset when Lucas wanted to talk to her, you could see that she felt bad. Thing is as angry as I was when I found out she was Claudette I was jealous when I saw her with Lucas. I want her, I like her Owen and when I told Drew and Adam they just told me to stay away."

"If you want the girl I'll help you get the girl," Owen assures me and I grin.

 **(LUCAS)**

"Where does Clare live, I need to go talk to her," I ask Peter after showing up at his place Monday morning.

"You realize you're five years older than her. And she was pretending to be someone else," Peter comments.

"I don't care, I like her and she may have been in a wig with a fake name but it was Clare. I haven't stopped thinking about her and she won't answer my calls."

"Maybe that's a good thing. Anyway it's Monday she's at school," Peter remarks.

"Fine then I'm going to DeGrassi, when are they on lunch?"

"Man I don't know but you can't just show up on campus," Peter reminds me.

"Then I'll park on the city property so I'm not on campus," I tell him.

"This seems like a bad idea but good luck I guess," Peter says.

I grimace at him and leave his place going back to my car and driving to DeGrassi. It's not lunch time so I go to The Dot and find out when the lunch hour at DeGrassi is. I have a couple of hours still before lunch at DeGrassi and if I just sit out there in my car a teacher is bound to come out or call the cops. So I run some errands just to keep myself busy, by the time I'm done it's lunchtime at DeGrassi and I go down there. It's not snowing now but it is cold and I'm kind of hoping Clare comes out of the school for lunch. I actually do see Clare coming from the parking lot after a short time so she must have gone somewhere for lunch, she has a sweater but no coat and when she sees me she keeps walking but stops when she sees another boy watching from just inside the doors.

It doesn't go so well, I find out this other guy Dallas was fooled by Clare dressed up and pretending to be someone else too. Dallas and I sort of fight and Clare tries to disappear. When she gets an exit because other students come over she takes it. She gets away from us and runs inside. I try calling her again and texting her but she doesn't answer. When I hear a knock on my door I hope that it's Clare but I know it's not. In fact it's Peter and I let him in.

"So how'd it go?" Peter asks.

"It didn't, she wouldn't talk to me and she wouldn't talk to Dallas and all I could think was I wanted him to go away and her to be mine."

"So you were jealous, who's Dallas?"

"A DeGrassi student that she did the same thing with. Trouble is we both want her. I know there's an age difference, I know she was using a different name and wearing a wig but it was Clare and I fell for her. I want her and I don't care what name she goes buy."

"You really do care about her," Peter comments.

"Yeah I do, I fell for a girl, I fell for the girl behind the wig."

"Okay then let's get you the girl."

"You're going to help me? I thought you were against this?"

"I was, you're older than her and she was pretending to be someone else but I think you really care about her."

"I really do."

Peter tells me her address finally and I drive to her house. I'm not sure I have the right house because when I park I see a truck in the driveway that says **Martin Construction**. I still go up and ring the bell, after a few seconds Clare comes to the door, she sees me and turns away so I ring the bell again.

"What are you doing at my house?" She asks finally opening the door.

"I want to go out with you, I w…"

"I'm not Dani, I'm not what you want," she replies and closes the door so I ring again. "If you don't leave I'm calling the cops," she tells me so I give up and leave returning to my apartment where Peter is still.

"I guess it didn't go well?"

"Not at all, she still won't talk to me."

"I'll talk to her, I bet she'll talk to me," Peter says.

 **As I said because it was such a long day and I wasn't able to get everything in this chapter there will be one more short chapter. Unfortunately probably not until August.**


	3. The Agony of Decision Making

**This last chapter has been a long time coming and it's really short but it was supposed to be with chapter two, I just did not have time that day. Anyway I hope you enjoy this conclusion.**

 **Ch. 3 The Agony of Decision Making**

 **(CLARE)**

Lucas leaves and I go back to my room lying on my bed, spinning my stuffed bear in my hands. The only stuffed animal I kept but I've had him since I was a baby. I'm thinking about the last few days, what I've done, how I feel, who I want, what I want. The ringing doorbell brings me from my thoughts and I go downstairs. I expect to see Dallas or Lucas but instead I find Owen and Peter.

"What are you two doing here?"

"Dallas really likes you," Owen says.

"Lucas likes you more," Peter insists.

"They don't like me they like the girls I was pretending to be. Tell them both I'm sorry for what I did and leave me alone," I assert trying to close the door and go up the stairs. I can't however because both Owen and Peter hold the door open.

"Dallas wants you Clare, even when you pretending I'm sure part of him knew it was you," Owen beseeches on behalf of his friend.

"Lucas always liked you, you used a different name but most of what you told him was true so you must have feelings for him," Peter implores on behalf of his friend.

I bite my lip and look back at them as my mind and heart begin to conflict each other.

"I need time to think, tell them…" I pause biting my lip again unsure what message I want to pass on, "just tell them I need time to think and the space to do so."

Owen and Peter let go of the door and I lock it returning to my room. I spend all afternoon and all night trying to figure out what I want, who I want. I'm so incredibly conflicted on the whole thing I barely sleep and I don't have an answer the next morning. I drive to school and go around the side when I see Dallas on the steps. I get to my locker and start putting in books when I see someone approach. I look over expecting Dallas, or possibly Lucas as I'm sure he knows how to sneak onto campus, but instead find Drew.

"I think he really does like you, he says he's liked you since he kissed you last year," Drew tells me.

"He kissed me last year when I was tipsy and had just confessed to him that my co-op boss assaulted me," I enlighten Drew.

"Asher was your co-op boss?" Drew questions guess Dallas mentioned Asher or maybe it was Adam.

"Yeah and I was upset, had a beer, got tipsy and he kissed me. I don't think Dallas knows what he wants. The girl he was crazy about wasn't me."

"It might have been you pretending to be someone else but it was still you. I do think he likes you, if he didn't I don't think he would have confessed to me and Adam. I have to ask though why'd you pretend to be someone else?" Drew inquires and I lean back against the bank of lockers closing my eyes briefly before answering.

"I was angry at him for telling you that you were a rebound to me. I wanted to play with his heart the way he did mine, for convincing you that's all you were to me. It really hurt. I knew he wouldn't fall for me and I didn't have the courage to do anything as Clare so I created a persona that did. That's all it was I wanted to hurt him for making you believe you were a rebound and ending us before we had a chance to begin."

"Oh," Drew says almost in a whisper and I look at him again. He's scratching the back of his head uncomfortable and looking down. "About us, I don't think we ever would have worked. The fantasy of us was appealing, you were sort of this unattainable ideal for me but you would have gotten tired of me quickly. I'm better with girls like Bianca and Alli, smart girls who don't act smart and are shallow, like me. Girls who need me. Don't get me wrong I did like you, and still do as a friend but we are definitely not a good match and you don't need me, you don't need anyone I think guys need you. I know you probably have a pretty low opinion of Dallas after what he did at the hoe down and your first kiss, but he's not such a bad guy once you know him. If he cares about you he'll do anything for you. I don't know who this Lucas guy is and maybe his feelings are genuine too but I know Dallas would never have told us anything if he didn't really like you. Maybe you and I could work on that whole friendship thing you've been the best friend Adam's ever had, I've never had a friend like that. Whatever you do decide I know it will be what's right for you and I know Dallas will honor it," Drew tells me and turns to walk away.

"Drew," I call to him and he stops turning to face me again, "thanks. And you're right we probably wouldn't have worked but I would like to be friends."

Drew flashes his charming grin and turns around walking off. I wish what Drew told me about Dallas made my decision easier but it really didn't. It only adds to everything already on my mind and in my heart. I can't even look at Dallas when we have classes together and at lunch time I pretend that I'm ill so that I can go home. I know it was the cowardly thing to do but I didn't know what else to do, every time I saw Dallas I panicked. I park at home and leave my car there because I'm worried Dallas or Lucas, or even Owen or Peter will find me at the house. I spend all afternoon walking around thinking, trying to ask myself what I want, what my heart wants, do they really have feelings for me?

And then one thing becomes painfully clear to me, an epiphany that probably should have been painfully obvious from the beginning. It should have been but it was veiled by emotion, buried by excitement, camouflaged by anxiety but now it's screaming to me and there is only once clear choice. I send a text to Dallas and to Lucas to meet me on the steps to Above the Dot and then I get a taxi to take me there. I arrive before the both of them and pace on the landing while I wait for them to show up.

"You wanted to see me?" Lucas asks as he's the first to arrive.

"She wanted to see us both," Dallas corrects him as he walks over to the stairs.

"I did want to see you both and thank you both for coming. I still don't know what I want or how I feel or if your feelings are genuine b…"

"My feelings are," Dallas speaks up cutting me off.

"So are mine," Lucas speaks up.

"Please just let me finish. What I did was wrong, to both of you it was wrong and the fact that I felt like I needed to be someone else with both of you means I'm not ready for another relationship. I've been through a lot, more than a lot, the last two years have basically been chaos. I need time, not just to make a decision but to work on myself. I've been wounded, more than I realized. I never really dealt with anything I just moved onto the next crisis. I need to just take time for me. I hope you can understand but I'm just not ready to be with anyone else and clearly it's not a good idea after the lengths I went to in order to be someone else, I hope you both can understand. If you hate me I'll understand. In a few months I'll be in New York, Lucas you'll still be here eight hours away and Dallas who knows where you'll be and I don't want either of you to wait around for me to heal or to be ready to make a decision because that could take years. I'm sorry for what I did to both of you."

I finish my speech and run past them both, down the stairs and all the way home. I'm not sure if they're stunned or just have the good sense not to follow me but I make it home. When the doorbell rings I'm afraid to answer it but my parents are home now.

"CLARE ADAM'S HERE," Glen calls up the stairs. Adam comes up and I unlock my door so he can come in.

"Well they're both a little upset but they both understand and they'll back off. They actually are becoming friends I think. They've been at my house for the last hour talking. For the record I think you made the right decision and so does Drew. You can't be good for anyone if you're still hurting," Adam says and I smile.

"Thanks it's something I should have realized before sleeping with Drew but better late than before getting hurt more or hurting anyone else. The next time I enter into a relationship I want it to be real, mature, lasting and I want to be whole again. I need to be whole again before I can be with anyone else."

 **Yes I know probably not the conclusion you were expecting but either way this story is done. Tomorrow will be an interesting experiment in period fluff called** _ **Summer of Love**_ **.**


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